The Way of the Geek

In the 17th century, Yamamoto Tsunetomo wrote a treatise – a collection of intuitive thoughts that dictated the way that a samurai should live and die. This was Hagakure: the Way of the Samurai. In short, this was a prescribed way that a certain class of people should govern their behaviour in order to be recognized as a part of this class.

Do we also not belong to a certain identifiable group? Should we not also have a certain code that governs our behaviour?

I say thee: yea!

What is, then, the Way of the Geek? I offer my own rambling collection of observations and The Way recognizes that there are many places where geeks may be found, where they live and how a geek should behave appropriate to the circumstances, though odd they may be.  Get ready for The Way of the Geek, after the jump.

Conventions

Let us begin with Conventions.

1) It is bad form to stare at Cosplayers for an extended period of time. It is a fault that displays a foolish mind and poor taste. The Way requires that one asks politely to take a picture … and then one may stare at the image for as long as one likes and within the privacy of one’s home.

2) The Way of the Geek is found in walking in a crowd. We all want to geek, but to geek alone does not allow for the joy of discovery to be shared. Imagine finding an original 1987 Hasbro Optimus Prime Powermaster still in the box at a toy table for only $15? After the purchase, who would care but other geeks?

3) Many comics in a long box are not the same as a mint condition Giant-Size X-Men #1.

4) At conventions, with convention staff, other geeks in line and especially guests: The Way may be seen and practiced; compliment those you see practicing The Way.

…and always hug Erin Gray. She’s a great guest.

5) No-one is allowed to touch your comics without your permission. Never let a convention staffer take your books in an attempt to speed along the line of signatures. That is like a security guard at an art museum moving a picture from the wall for other patrons to see. That is not The Way.

Gaming

The Way and Gaming.

1) To hate injustice and poor sportsmanship in Warhammer is correct. To play by the letter of the rules is embarrassing. It is better to play by the rule that engaging in disagreement will cost you an article of clothing. Then, try explaining that to your wife.

2) It is always proper to wear a thematically appropriate t-shirt to a night of gaming. For example: an evening of Dungeons & Dragons may inspire the choice of t-shirts like one with the witty monogram “The dice may hate me but Tiamat doesn’t, bitch!” to be worn. Playing the board game Battlestar Galactica may find a player with a picture of a toaster on his chest. Empty witticisms like “Awesome ends with me” are just not part of The Way.

3) You cannot always tell if a person is bad or good by his or her vicissitudes in life. Good and bad fortune in dice rolls is a matter of fate. Good or bad actions are Man’s Way. But if one should ever have his Marvel Super Heroes RPG character, that took him two weeks to flesh out, assassinated by evil and selfish co-players with no thought as to how this would make one feel, then righteous retribution of good versus evil is not only expected, but demanded of The Way! (pant… pant…) What? Too personal? Screw you – I’m writing this.

4) First: Intention. Second: Enlightenment. Third: Siam. Fourth: Australia. Fifth: The World.

5) The measure of a civilization can be found in its appreciation of the arts and culture. Technology is always second to this. Failing that, in Civilization, simply drink as much beer as possible and attack the nearest player with all of your armies.

Television

The Way as it can be found in television shows.

1) Detailed knowledge of every episode of “Space: 1999″ is only good for trivia contests. It is not of The Way to simply dwell on one obscure science fiction television series as a sole pastime. Not when there is also “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” to master as well. See my comment about Erin Grey.

2) It is easy to be at peace in the middle of a regular season, but the true measure of a follower of The Way can be found in the amount of patience it requires to wait the painful eight to twelve weeks for the conclusion of an end-of-season cliffhanger.

3) “The Big Bang Theory” is a funny show… but not to those who observe The Way. “The Big Bang Theory” is The Way, a la Hollywood.

4) “Star Trek: The Next Generation” must always be on in the background even when the television is not being watched. Any “Star Trek: TNG” will do, but preferably an episode that does not include Wil Wheaton’s voice cracking as he turns the warp drive into some sort of interdimensional porn viewer.

5) When watching “Game of Thrones,” it is important to remember that this is just a television show. The books are what really matter – so please stop emailing, writing letters or in any other way harassing George R.R. Martin and allow him the freedom to actually finish the damn novels! Please?

Film

Concerning Films

1) It is bad when a director creates a film in which the character from another medium works against his already established natural inclinations. Should a turtle not retreat into its shell in times of trouble? Is it not natural for a bird to take flight when startled? Then why would Tony Stark destroy all of his Iron Man armoured suits just to prove to Pepper that he loves her? I mean, what about Avengers 2? Sheesh…

2) A wise man once said to a reckless, younger man: ‘it is not seemly to be brash and impatient in regards to great works of art. By being impatient, matters are damaged and these great works cannot be done.’ In time, “Firefly” will return to the screen – oh yes, it will happen… in time.

3) It has been said that there are three types of film viewers. First, there are those who watch a film and then think about its merits. Second, those who think about what a film may have to offer in terms of merits before watching it. Then there are those who waste no time in spoiling those merits over the water-cooler the very next morning in clear earshot of everybody in the immediate vicinity.

4) Once, a venerable film critic was asked by a young follower of The Way: “Master – who is the better film director? George Lucas or Steven Spielberg?” The master simply replied: “Raiders of the Lost Ark, my son.”

5) In the morning, one should recite the following: “Thank you, Gene. Thank you, Stan, and thanks be unto you as well, George.” In this we do reverence to those who taught us the value of: the needs of the one outweighing the needs of the many; with great power comes great responsibility, and that the Force will be with us – always. If one creates this resolution within himself, then one will not stray from the path of The Way.

Celebrities

On Engaging Celebrities in Conversation

1) Attending upon The Way always involves enlightenment. Enlightenment may be gained by asking questions. However, never expect a television celebrity to know the inner workings of a completely fictitious device that can’t do impossible things, like travel back in time, move at extreme velocity or stun an enemy into a deep state of paralytic shock. So a practitioner of The Way will not waste time by asking these questions. Instead, ask them about their cellphone plans and how they deal with roaming charges when they travel to different conventions. Do they have some sort of a loyalty plan?

2) Did I mention that you should hug Erin Grey if you get the chance? Isn’t she great?

3) It is not becoming for a practitioner of The Way to stalk, or trail, a celebrity like an annoying piece of flotsam that has somehow attached itself to their shoes.

Respect will not come to those who do this. Instead, allow karmic energies to flow around you; become part of the proper order of things and allow nature to work its mysteries around you and your patience in these things shall be rewarded with their attention upon you. After all, even celebrities must use public washrooms at some point.

4) Prepare relevant questions well in advance of a meeting. Introduce yourself and mention one work that is your favourite. Avoid telling the celebrity about why their work matters to you personally. At all costs, refrain from asking them to sign a body part.

Comics

The Way and Comics

1) One may not assume that comics were ever at a higher level of quality in the past than they are today. This is close-minded thinking and denies one access to the way. However, there has been a lot of slippage from 1984. Just saying.

2) One must never waste time in idle speculation over which superhero could ‘totally take’ another, when the values of heroism and daring are overlooked. I mean, does it matter if Hulk could channel his unearthly rage and pummel Superman into oblivion based on the notion that the Hulk’s growing rage is limitless and fuels his strength to the point where it would eventually overwhelm Superman, given that Superman’s strength is powered by Earth’s and that IMPLIES that even Superman has a limit? Pant… pant… See? Heroism: 0. Idle speculation: 1.

3) Why is the Blue Beetle still dead?

4) When one writes a resume, one must never include the category Secret Identity on it. This makes potential employers nervous and without a job to purchase comics, one will never gain access to that part of the Way.

5) When a fellow comic buyer in front of you in a line puts an Archie comic on the counter, and looks at you uncomfortably, simply nod emphatically in agreement when he explains that “it’s for his daughter.” There is generosity in The Way.

It is important to know that these short statements do not fully comprise The Way. The Way is open to discovery and this humble wanderer invites others to include their own observations. For we are all on this journey together, and is it not better to geek in a group than to geek alone? I say thee: yea.